Simple Steps To Good Relationships

 

Phil 2: 1-5

Is there any encouragement belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. 3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. 5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. NLT You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

 

Embrace What Jesus Said Are The Two Greatest Commandments Mat. 22:37-40

 

• Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. 
• And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law [Ten Commandments and the prophets from Isaiah to  Daniel and from Hosea to Malachi].

 

Three Foundational Principles To Have Healthy Relationships

 

Foundation - the lowest load-bearing part of a building, typically below ground level. An underlying basis or principle. The foundation is not the whole of a thing, a building or a relationship but it is ultimately what holds it together. It is the main ingredient.

 

1. Love God - How? John 14:15 If ye love me, keep[obey] my commandments. Take time to get to know him. Create a love relationship opposed to a duty relationship
2. Love Yourself - How? 1Cor. 3:16 Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? Accept what God says about you.
3. Love Your Neighbor - Mat. 7:12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

 

Christ took an interest in others, mankind. To be like him we must take an interest in the well being of other people. Christ came to seek and save those who were lost. The well being of mankind was so important, that God came in the flesh and allowed Himself to be crucified to redeem mankind. THAT’S LOVE!

 

When we find ourselves treating others in an ill-mannered way what does that say about how we feel about ourselves? 

• Does it say I have to make someone else feel low to make myself feel higher or important?
• Does it say that I may not have a healthy view of myself

Phil 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

 

Questions To Ask Ourselves Before We React Toward Others

1. Would I want someone to treat me this way?
2. Would I mind receiving the same words that I’m giving out?
3. If the roles were reversed would I give the same treatment?

 

Six Steps to Build Healthy Relationships

 

Be Aware of Negativity Bias

Studies show that criticisms often have a greater impact than compliments, and bad news frequently draws more attention than good. The reason for this is that negative events have a greater impact on our brains than positive ones. Psychologists refer to this as the negative bias (also called the negativity bias), and it can have a powerful effect on your behavior, your decisions, and even your relationships.

 

The negative bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events. This negativity bias means that we feel the sting of a rebuke more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise.

 

Focus on Ways To Cut People A Break

When it comes to relationships, it is valuable to remember that negative comments usually carry more weight than positive ones. Being aware of our own tendency to fixate on the negative  is important. By understanding this natural human tendency, you can focus on finding ways to cut other people a break and to stop expecting the worst.

 

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk 

Pay attention to the thoughts in your mind. Correct the thoughts in your head with the truth. Stop them in your head before they get in your heart and come out of your mouth. Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

 

Refrain Past Situations 

Evaluate the way you interpret past experiences and events. Without ignoring real danger or pretending that something didn’t happen, give equal balance to the positive side even if it is a lesson learned. Ro 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[fn] have been called according to his purpose.

 

Establish New Patterns

Engage in safe activities that bring you joy or make you feel better afterwards: Hobbies, exercise, reading a book, listening to upbeat music, volunteering or watching a funny movie.

 

Savor Positive Moments

Because it takes more for positive experiences to be remembered, it is important to give extra attention to good things that happen. Where negative things might be quickly transferred and stored in your long-term memory. So when something great happens, take a moment to really focus on it. Celebrate victories even if they seem small. Replay special moments several times in your memory and focus on the wonderful feelings the memory evokes.

 

1 Peter 4:8-10 

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

 

Hebrews 10:24-25 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

 

Closing

We can only love others to the degree that we love ourselves, and we only love ourselves to the degree that we know the love of God.

By: Bishop Fredrick and Tijuanna Adetunji 

 

 

LOVE NEVER FAILS

 

1 Cor 13:8

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

     I.         Why Does It Appear As If Love Is Failing Us?

 

   II.         We Must Understand What Love Is – And What Love Is Not

 

To Get Better Result We must 

 

Four Expressions of Love –

1.     Philia – Friendship Love

2.     Storge – Family Love

3.     Eros - Romantic Love – 

4.     Agape - Unconditional Love

 

                  Love Succeeds or Fails At The Juncture of These Two Realities – Eros - Agape

 

Eros Love  --  Romantic -- Sensual Love

 

The Nature of Eros 

 

A.   Is Deceptive It Confuses Lust As Love  

B.     It’s Selfish, And Demanding

C.    It’s Unreliable 

 

 III.         Agape  –  THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

 

1 Cor 13:4-6

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

 

HOW DO WE LOVE

 

John 13:34 -- A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

 

 

HE SERVED 

 

JN 13:4-5  --  rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. ⁵ After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded

 

 

LOVE IN MARRIAGE

 

1Pt 3:7 – Live With Each Other According to Knowledge - Scratch Where It Itches – Not

5 Basic Needs That Can Divorce Prove Your Marriage 

 

5 Needs of A Wife (Affection, Communication, Honesty, Financial Commitment)

 

5 Needs of A Husband (Sex, Recreational Companionship, Attractiveness, Domestic Support, Respect )  

 

LOVE IN FRIENDSHIP

 

Proverbs 18:24

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother

 

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity

 

LOVE IN PARENTING

 

Psalm 103:13

As a father pities his Children so the Lord Pities those who fear him

 

 

 

 

 

“Can You Hold This For Me?”

 

Jeremiah 18:1-4 (KJV) 1The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, 2 Arise, and go down to the potter's house, and there I will cause thee to hear my words.   3 Then I went down to the potter's house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. 4 And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. 5 Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying, 6 O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.

 

Psalm 51:5 (KJV) 5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

 

Intro: Jeremiah is a prophet of God who is assigned to the southern kingdom 

 Judah. He was a prophet that declared judgement based on Israel’s rebellion, but He was also one the prophesied hope, restoration and redemption based on Israel turning back to God. Sidebar: The King had him jailed, because of the prophetic warning of destruction he gave to Judah. 

 

*We do God a disservice when we only tell 1 side of the story and claim to represent him. To the degree that we declare or warn of destruction we should also declare the love and mercy of God based on us turning to him. We also must be sure to not only represent the merciful and patient side of God, but also be willing to declare the judgement of God when required. 

 

*John 1:14(KJV) 14 And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of GRACE AND TRUTH. 

 

*James 2:13 (KJV)13 For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.

 

Vs. 2a. Jeremiah go DOWN to the potter’s house (Jeremiah needed to DOWN to where the potter was because he was stationed at the temple which was located on higher ground)

 

*This is the mode God has us (the Body of Christ) in right now. This is the time where we have to leave our churches and places of normalcy and comfort in order to get to the folks that need help. Are you willing to “go down”? Will we embrace the humility necessary to “go down”.  We must be willing to “GO DOWN”!!  Jesus serves as our greatest example of humility and what it means to “go down”. 

 

*Philippians 2:7-9 (KJV)

7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:

 

Vs 2b. “THERE” is where I will cause you to hear my words…

*God will not entrust his word to those who are only willing to hear him from the familiar place or place of comfort 

 

Vs. 3 He wrought a “work” on the wheels. We are clay on the wheel (God’s wheels). The wheel is spinning everyday, all day, it never stops. God is always working on and in us. 

*God desires to use us. We all have a role in the plan of God, but we have to stay on the wheel. No one is exempt, He has a will & purpose for our lives. 

 

*Ephesians 2:10 King James Version (KJV)

10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

 

Job 33:6 King James Version (KJV)

6 Behold, I am according to thy wish in God's stead: I also am formed out of the clay. *In all that Job went through, he had sense enough to remember that he was clay in God’s hands. Remembering that you’re in God’s hands helps your to endure instead of giving up.

 

-Stay on the Wheel!!: Don’t allow distractions, challenges or drama (ex. COVID, fear, lack of familiar contact or fellowship w/believers, etc.) to tempt you to get off the Potter’s Wheel. Hold on to your faith and allow the Holy Spirit to continue to complete the work in you. *Philippians 1:6 (KJV) 6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

 

Vs. 4a The vessel he made of clay was “marred” 

hebrew meaning of marred: behave corruptly, ruin, destroyed, flawed

By nature we are all corrupted and flawed until we surrender to Christ.

 

Psalm 51:5 paraphrase “Born in sin, shaped in iniquity 

*Based on the fall of Adam we all enter this world in sin. Iniquity is what shapes us. Iniquity-to twist, bent, misdeeds, sinful behavior *Our actions (whether right or wrong) shape us and our future generations) The sinful condition of our hearts before committing to Jesus will manifest in our actions, words and deeds. This causes us “as clay” to become marred/flawed/ruined.

 

Vs. 4b So he made it another vessel as seemed good to the potter

*Notice the text doesn’t say he replace the clay, it says that he made it again “another vessel” as seemed good to the potter. Thank God he doesn’t trade us off for another fresh or new batch of clay like we do to each other. 

 

He holds onto us and shapes us in a way that pleases HIM (It’s all about HIM). 

-When the vessel is shaped it is baked in intense fire, the heats and seals it so that nothing can penetrate it. This is what God does with us. He turns on the heat and allows us to be tested with and experience “fiery trials”.

 

*1 Peter 4:12-13 12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

 

-The purpose of a “vessel” is to hold or contain… If the clay is marred (by sin, lack of time w/God, loss of passion for God, decrease in focus of God, etc.) the vessel (when exposed to the fire) will become cracked and it’s capacity is compromised. 

God’s got something he wants you to receive and hold. God is saying “Hold This For Me”. God is asking, here’s some revelation, joy, peace, love, power, grace, strength, endurance, etc. “Can you hold this for me, so I can work through you?”  

 

Romans 15:13 (KJV) 13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

John 1:16 (KJV) 16 And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace.