2/2/14 SELF-DENIAL: THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

SELF-DENIAL:

 THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

 

LOVE AND RESPECT

 

 

 

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32   This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

 

1 Peter 3:1-2

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. NASB

 

1 Peter 3:7

⁷ Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

 

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

 

 

ÿ     A husband is to obey the command to love even if his wife does not obey the command to respect, and a wife is to obey the command to respect even if the husband does not obey the command to love.

 

ÿ     A husband is called to love a disrespectful wife, and a wife is called to respect an unloving husband.

 

ÿ     We cannot say “I will love my wife when she respects me” – or “I will respect my husband after he loves me.”

 

ÿ     Men must show agape love  -  Women are to show unconditional respect.

 

ÿ     You cannot motivate your spouse to give you what you need by withholding what they really need.

 

ÿ     Who should go first? – The one who sees themselves as the most mature.

 

 

 

 

TOGETHERNESS (Wife) – She wants face-to-face involvement.

 

Suggestions:

·       Come in the kitchen and help her with dinner

·       Spend time __________________to her about her day

·       Not to become like one of her girlfriends and become feminine

·       Hold her hand

·       Hug her

·       _______________________ without sex

·       Get alone so you can focus and laugh

·       Go for a walk

·       Date night by candlelight

·       Go out of your way to do something for her (errand etc.)

·       Pay ____________________to her mind and opinions – let her know you appreciate

·       Pillow talk after making love

 

ACCOMPLISH (Husband) - Appreciate his desire to work and achieve

       

Suggestions:  

·       Tell him verbally or in writing that you value his desire to work and achieve

·       Express your faith in him related to his chosen field

·       Listen to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to what happens in the family

·       See yourself as his helpmate and counterpart and talk with him about this whenever possible

·       Allow him to dream as you did when you were courting

·       Don’t dishonor or criticize his work to get him to show more love at home

 

 

___________________________

 

Suggestions:

·       Communicate to her about your ____________________

·       Let her in

·       When you talk ask her, what she thinks and what she is feeling

·       Pray with her

·       Share your day with her or “something happened at work today – “I would like to talk to you about it later – I am not mad at you, etc.”

 

 

PROTECTOR – Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide

 

Suggestions:

·       Verbalize your admiration for him for being willing to protect you and die for you

·       Praise him for his __________________ to provide and protect so he knows you don’t take him for granted

·       Never mock the idea of “looking up to him” as your protector, preventing him from looking down on you

·       Never in word or body language ________   ___________ his job or how much he makes

·       Quietly and respectfully voice concerns about finances and try to offer solutions where you are able to cut spending

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UNDERSTOOD – 1Peter 3:7 – Don’t Try To Fix Just Listen

 

Suggestions:

·       When she wants to talk ask her – do you want me to listen or need a solution?

·       Listen and repeat back what she has said

·       Don’t try to fix her problems unless she specifically asks for a solution

·       Never dismiss her feelings no matter how illogical they seem

·       Say, “I appreciate you sharing that with me.”

·       Don’t interrupt her when she is trying to tell you how she feels

·       Apologize and admit you were wrong

·       Express appreciation for all that she does

·       Pray with her and for her

 

Beware of becoming embittered Col. 3:19

 

 

_______________________  – Appreciate his desire to serve and lead

 

Suggestions:

·       Tell him you are thankful for his strength and enjoy being able to lean on him at all times

·       Support his self-image as a leader

·       Never say – “We are equal so don’t make any decision I don’t agree with.”

·       Praise him for His good decisions

·       Be graceful if he makes a bad decision

·       Disagree with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids

·       Give your reasons for disagreeing with him quietly and respectfully and reasonably, but never attack his right to lead

·       Don’t play head games with him to make him back down and be a loving peacemaker

 

 

PEACE - She wants you to say “I’m sorry.”

 

Suggestions:

·       Use loving Demeanor (Prov. 15:1)

·       ________________ your part of the blame instead of blaming her.  (James 5:16)

·       Let her vent her frustrations and hurts – don’ get angry or close her off

·       When wrong say “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”

·       Resolve the unresolved – never say “Forget it.”

·       Forgive her for any wrong she confesses

·       Don’t nurse _____________________ and always reassure her of your love

 

 

INSIGHT - Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel

 

Suggestions:

·       Tell him up front you need his ear – Don’t complain to him later that he always tries to fix you

·       Thank him for His advice without acting insulted or like he doesn’t care about your feelings

·       Recognize his problem solving approach and his male brand of empathy

·       Realize your vulnerabilities especially among males, and value his protection

·       Counsel him respectfully when you differ with his ideas (you can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice)

·       Sometimes let him fix things and applaud him for his solutions

·       Admit that you need him because you can make mistakes and thank him for his godly protection

 

 

___________________________   – She needs to know you’re committed.

 

Suggestions:

·       __________    ______________ of her in front of others

·       Be involved in things important to her

·       Help her make decisions (such as regarding children, etc)

·       Don’t correct her in front of the children

·       Don’t look lustfully at other women

·       Make her and your marriage a priority

·       Don’t criticize her in front of others

·       Include her in social gatherings when others may leave their wife at home

·       Don’t allow the kids to speak to her any kind of way

·       Call and let her know your plans

·       Keep your commitments

·       Speak positively to her at all times

 

SEX – Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

 

Suggestions:

·       Respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically

·       Understand he needs sex just as you need emotional release

·       Let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without shaming him or feeling he will be unfaithful to you

·       Don’t deprive him of sex to try to make him open up to you verbally

 

 

 

ESTEEM – She needs you to honor and cherish her.

 

Suggestions:

·       How to answer when you don’t agree with her and keep her esteem intact:

-        “Honey, thanks for sharing your opinion.”

-        “Let’s think about that.”  (she knows you are processing)

-        “Honey, even though I don’t feel the same way about this as you   do, I value your opinion and I trust your heart.”

·       Thank her for all that she does

·       Cherish her for who she is

·       Open the door for her

·       Try something new with her

·       Give her encouragement and praise with kindness and enthusiasm

·       Notice something different about her hair and clothes

·       Be physically affectionate with her in public

·       Choose family outings over “guy things”

·       Be proud of her for all she does

 

 

____________________ – Appreciate his desire for shoulder to shoulder friendship.

 

Suggestions:

·       Tell him you like him and show it (He knows you love him but he often wonders if you like him)

·       Respond to his invitation to engage in recreational activities together (Every now and then… not all of the time)

1/26 ALL IN

ALL IN

Putting God in the Proper Place in Our Life

 

I.                   JESUS GAVE EVERYTHING AND DEMANDS.

 

1.     Cross Was Not Accidental.

 

Isaiah 53:1-6         Who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? ² For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, And as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him. ³ He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. ⁴Surely He has borne our grief’s And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. ⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. ⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

 

2.     The Cross Cost…

 

a.      Garden of Gethsemane

b.     Forsaken on the Cross

c.      Coming to Earth as a Baby

 

3.     The Cross ________________    _________________   __________________________.

 

a.     Salvation  (Positional Transformation)

 

2 Cor. 5:21        ²¹ For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

 

b.     _______________________________ (Practical Transformation)

 

2 Thessalonians 2:13   ¹³ But we are bound to give thanks to God always for you, brethren beloved by the Lord, because God from the beginning chose you for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.

 

 

c.      Glorification (Eternal Transformation)

 

Romans 8:30  ³⁰ Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

 

II.                OUR CULTURE WARS AGAINST ________________     _________________.

 

 

III.             WE MUST EVALUATE OUR “ALL IN” LEVEL..

 

1.     “All in” is not perfection, but a condition of the heart.

Mark 12:28-30     ²⁹ Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰ And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.

 

Psalm 10:4        The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.

 

 

IV.             “ALL IN” IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING WE ARE LOOKING FOR.

 

1.     Peace

 

2.     _________________________

 

3.     _________________________

 

V.                ALL IN?

 

1.     Is There Anything You Could Not Give Him If He Asked For It?

2.     What Temptation Continues To Conquer You?

3.     Is There Anyone Who Means More To You Than He Does?

4.     Is There Anything He Would Ask Of You That You Couldn’t Do?

1/19/14 SELF-DENIAL: THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN THE KINGDOM

send peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. ³⁶ And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. ³⁷ He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

 

I.                  SELF - DENIAL IS THE WAY OF THE KINGDOM

 

1.   Satan, Adam, and Jesus (ISAIAH 14; GENESIS 3; PHIL. 2:6-8)

 

2.   Self-Denial is the __________________________.

 

MATTHEW 16:21-25      ²¹ From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. ²² Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. ²³ But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men. ²⁴ Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. ²⁵ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

 

LUKE 14:27-33

²⁷ And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. ²⁸ For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? ²⁹ Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, ³⁰ Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. ³¹ Or what king, going to make war  against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that

cometh against him with twenty thousand? ³² Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. ³³ So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

 

II.               DANGERS OF LIVING FOR SELF

 

1.   It __________________   _____________________.

 

ROM. 8:12-13   ¹² Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. ¹³ For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

 

GAL. 5:17     ¹⁷ For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.

 

 

III.            REWARDS OF SELF - DENIAL

 

1.   You ______________________     _____________________.

 

LUKE 9:24  “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.

 

2.   You ___________________   The __________________________.

 

MATTHEW 10:28-31   ²⁸ Then Peter began to say unto him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee. ²⁹ And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, ³⁰ But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. ³¹ But many that are first shall be last; and the last first.

12/15/13 - THE BEAUTY OF WORKING FOR GOD

THE BEAUTY OF WORKING FOR GOD

 

1 Corinthians 15:51-58

⁵¹ Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, ⁵² In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. ⁵³ For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. ⁵⁴ So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. ⁵⁵ O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? ⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁵⁸ Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

 

I.                  WE ARE ALL EXPECTED TO DO SOMETHING FOR GOD

 

·        Matthew 21:28   ²⁸ But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard

 

·        Mark 13:34                         ³⁴ For the Son of man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch.

 

·        Matthew 25:14-30  ¹⁴ For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. ¹⁵ And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. ¹⁶ Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. ¹⁷ And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. ¹⁸ But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money. ¹⁹ After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. ²⁰ And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. ²¹ His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. ²² He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. ²³ His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. ²⁴ Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: ²⁵ And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. ²⁶ His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: ²⁷ Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. ²⁸ Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. ²⁹ For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.

 

II.               OUR SERVICE SHOULD BE

 

1.   ___________________________

 

Psalm 110:3  Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power, in the beauties of holiness From the womb of the morning: thou hast the dew of thy youth.

 

2.   ____________________________

 

1 Cor. 15:58   ⁵⁸ Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

 

3.   _____________________________

 

Ephesians 6:7   ⁷ With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men.

 

III.           OUR REWARDS WILL BE ACCORDING TO OUR SERVICE

 

·        Mark 9:41 ⁴¹ For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.

         

·        Dan. 12:3  ³ And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.

         

·        1 Cor. 3:13-16  ¹³ Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is. ¹⁴ If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward. ¹⁵ If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire.