Next Level Relationships:Singles

    1.      You’re Good –

          Good - kalós; Constitutionally good choice, excellent.

1 Corinthians 7:8

⁸ But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am. KJV

⁸ So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.  NLT

A crucial element in the psychological health of the single person is his or her acceptance of the state of singleness, much as people can be happily or unhappily married. Encyclopedia of psychology & counseling

There are advantages to being single.

a.       Increased mobility.

b.      Freedom.

c.       Psychological and social autonomy.

d.      Ability to build great friendships and support structures.

e.       More time to devote to career.

f.        Economic independence.

g.      Ability to Choose. (Marriage)

    2.      You Have a lot to Give Jesus.

    1 Corinthians 7:32-35

    ³² I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. ³³ But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. ³⁴ His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. NLT

Acts 21:8-9

⁸ And the next day we that were of Paul’s company departed, and came unto Caesarea: and we entered into the house of Philip the evangelist, which was one of the seven; and abode with him. ⁹ And the same man had four daughters, virgins, which did prophesy. KJV

    3.      You Can Control Yourself.

Galatians 5:22

²² But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

1 Timoty 1:7

⁷ for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. ESV

Acts 24:25

²⁴ A few days later Felix came back with his wife, Drusilla, who was Jewish. Sending for Paul, they listened as he told them about faith in Christ Jesus. ²⁵ As he reasoned with them about righteousness and self-control and the coming day of judgment, Felix became frightened.

1 Corinthians 9:24-25

24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. 25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.

2 Peter 1:6

⁵ In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, ⁶ and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness

             1 Corinthians 7:9

⁹ But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. NLT

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

⁹ Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, ¹⁰ or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. NLT

   4.      We Must Trust God Emphatically.

(He Knows our Gifts and Our Need)

Matthew 19:8-12

⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. ⁹ And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.*” ¹⁰ Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” ¹¹ “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. ¹² Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry* for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” 

            Look at Leah

            Genesis 29:17

¹⁷ There was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes,* but Rachel had a beautiful figure and a lovely face. NLT

-          God got her a husband by hook or crook

Genesis 29:31-35

³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive. ³² So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben,* for she said, “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”  ³³ She soon became pregnant again and gave birth to another son. She named him Simeon,* for she said, “The Lord heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.” ³⁴ Then she became pregnant a third time and gave birth to another son. He was named Levi,* for she said, “Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!” ³⁵ Once again Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son. She named him Judah,* for she said, “Now I will praise the Lord!” And then she stopped having children. NLT

5. Must Keep Focus on the Kingdom of God. (Eternity)

a.      Resurrected bodies, Revelation 21-22, 1 Corinthians 15:17,19; Job 19:26

b.      New (resurrected) Earth. Revelations 21:1

c.       God will live with us forever on the New Earth.

Revelations 21:3

³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.

d.       No more curse, Grace Unending. Revelations 22:3

e.       No Shame or Potential for Shame

f.        Sin is forever removed.  Revelations 21:27

g.       Death forever removed. Revelations 21:4

h.      Satan removed and thrown into Lake of fire. Revelations 20:10

i.        We will see God face to face. Revelations 22:4

j.        Only one Marriage Christ and the Church. Revelations 19:7; Revelations 22:17

    6.      Realize any Blessing you Depend of for Happiness will bring you the opposite.

1 Kings 11:3

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. ² The Lord had clearly instructed the people of Israel, ‘You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.’ Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. ³ He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the Lord.NLT

Ecclesiastes 2:11

¹¹ But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere. NLT

Ecclesiastes 12:13

¹³ That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. ¹⁴ God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad. NLT

Next Level Habits

Luke 5:39

³⁹ And no one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says, ‘The old is better.’”

Ephesians 4:21-24

²¹ if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: ²² that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, ²³ and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, ²⁴ and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

I.                   HOW HABITS FORM.

Romans 6:15-19

¹⁵ What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. ¹⁶ Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? ¹⁷ But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. ¹⁸ Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. ¹⁹ I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.

Yield – Parastano – to stand near,

You will always be a Servant…

You will always give yourselves to something…We were made that way.

James 1:13-15

¹³ Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: ¹⁴ But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. ¹⁵ Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

Drawn towards something. (You give conscious attention at first)

Something’s happening in you. (Conception)

Automation. (Bringing Forth)

Death. (Loss of Conscious control)

1.    Every habit-forming activity follows the same neurological pattern.

2.    Habit patterns occur in the basal ganglia of the brain, which also plays a role in developing our emotions, memories and pattern recognition.

3.    Decisions are made in the prefrontal cortex. As soon as behavior becomes automatic the decision-making part of our brain goes into sleep mode.

4.    We perform automatic behaviors the same way every time if we are in the same environment.

5.    Habits start with a pattern loop (3 part process)

a.    There is a cue (trigger) that tells brain to go into automatic mode and let the.

b.    There is the routine which is the actual behavior.

c.     There is the reward. Something your brain likes that helps it remember the habit loop in the future.

II.                HOW TO BREAK HABIT PATTERNS?

Romans 12:1-2

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. ² And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

You must identify components of your loop

1.    Identify the Routine. (the behavior itself)

2.    Identify the Reward for the behavior. (What’s in it for you)

Rewards are powerful because they satisfy cravings. The problem is we are not always aware of the true cravings that drive our behavior.

You must experiment to discover your true cravings.

  

Ex. Chocolate Chip Cookie at 3:30

Cue? Hunger, boredom, break, low blood sugar, need to feel connected (friends) etc.

Reward? Blood sugar satisfied, feeling calm etc.

a.     To determine true source experiment with different rewards.

b.     As you discover your rewards write them down.

3.    Identify the cue for this routine. (What triggers the behavior)

Cues are difficult to determine because there is so much stimuli. Personal research is needed.

5 Questions to ask when an urge hits you

i.              Where are you?

ii.            What time is it?

iii.           What’s your emotional state?

iv.           Who else is around?

v.            What action preceded the urge?

The Cookie Example:

Where are you? (sitting at my desk)

What time is it? (3:36 pm)

What’s your emotional state? (bored)

Who else is around? (no one)

What action preceded the urge? (answered an email)

The next day:

Where are you? (walking back from the copier)

What time is it? (3:18 pm)

What’s your emotional state? (happy)

Who else is around? (Jim from Sports)

What action preceded the urge? (made a photocopy)

The third day:

Where are you? (conference room)

What time is it? (3:41 pm)

What’s your emotional state? (tired, excited about the project I’m working on)

Who else is around? (editors who are coming to this meeting)

What action preceded the urge? (I sat down because the meeting is about to start)

III.               DEVELOP A PLAN FOR BETTER HABITS.

1.    Anticipate and plan for the cue.

2.    Choose a better behavior that delivers the reward you are craving.

IV.            NEXT LEVEL HABITS WE SHOULD ADOPT.

1.    Faith. (A Positive Perspective)

Luke 8:22-25

²² Now it happened, on a certain day, which He got into a boat with His disciples. And He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side of the lake.” And they launched out. ²³ But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. ²⁴ And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. ²⁵ But He said to them, “Where is your faith?”

Our first controlled reaction should be faith…

John 6:5-6

⁵ Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” ⁶ But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do.

2.    Self-Denial.

Philippians 2:3-9

³ Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. ⁵ Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, ⁷ but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Matthew 16:24-25

²⁴ Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ²⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

3.    A Vertical Perspective.

Psalm 121

¹I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? ²My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 10:4

⁴ The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.

Isaiah 26:3

³ Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on thee: Because he trusteth in thee.

Next Level Emotions Part II

I.                   OUR EMOTIONS MATTER.

1.    Trichotomy of Man.1 Thessalonians 5:23

Spirit God Consciousness.

Body World Consciousness.

Soul (Emotions) Bridge the two.

a.    Our Brains are made to prioritize emotions.

b.    Electrical Signals enter your brain at the base near the spinal cord, but must travel to your frontal lobe (behind your forehead) before reaching the place where rational, logical thinking takes place.

c.     They pass the limbic system before reaching the frontal lobe. (Place where emotions are produced)

d.    You experience things emotionally before reasoning joins in. (you feel before you comprehend)

e.    The rational brain can’t stop the limbic system but they work together.

f.     We must learn to recognize emotions in us and others and use them to manage our behavior.

2.    Believers have been taught to neglect emotions.

3.    Satan seeks to exploit and damage the soul hindering God’s plan for your life.  

4.    Jesus came to bring Rest unto our souls.

Matthew 11:28

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

II.                MAKING IT TO OUR NEXT LEVEL REQUIRES NEXT LEVEL EMOTIONS.

Ephesians 4:31-32

³¹ Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and ^pevil speaking, be put away from you, with all ^qmalice: ³² And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, ^tforgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

1.    A Clean Core. (No Bitterness)

Bitterness refers to a settled hostility that poisons the whole inner man.

Hebrews 12:15

¹⁵ Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up troubles you, and thereby many be defiled.

a.    Looking Diligently. – Being Overseers, Looking over your own soul. Same word is used as Elders and Overseers in (1 Peter 5:2; and Acts 20:28)

b.    Fail. – hustereo to be late so you don’t finish the goal.

c.     Root of Bitterness. Roots are foundations. All nourishment goes through the root to every aspect of the plant. If the root is corrupt it corrupts everything.  Bitterness is a root to the soul that effects every thought, decision, etc. It produces a filter through which every action and thought passes through. It literally changes your disposition.

d.    Springing up. – quick progression, Progress that unfolds and develops over time.

e.    Many. – It affects everything it touches…It’s viral

f.     Defiled. – stained, polluted and corrupted. 

2.    Calm Core. (No Wrath)

Wrath – thumos – a violent aggressive motion like air or wind. Hurricane force wind.

3.    Contentment. (no Anger) – desire with grief. Fretting. A reaction to disappointments and unmet expectations..

4.    Gentleness. (No Clamor)– krague – an outcry, a public display (going off on somebody)

5.    Affirming Speech. (No evil speaking) – blasphemia – verbal abuse, slandering someone behind their back or to their face

6.    Sincere Motives. (no malice) (Kakia) Mal intent. Doing this from negative intent.

III.             HOW TO FIX NEGATIVE EMOTIONS?

1.    Put Them Away. – (airo) to take up or to pick up.

2.    Sow different seed in the garden of your heart.

a.    Kindness. -

b.    Compassion. – {Tenderhearted}. – Full of compassion, sensitive to the ills and pains of others

c.     Forgiveness. – Acknowledgement of wrong but let it go