SELF-DENIAL:
THE KEY TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
LOVE AND RESPECT
Ephesians 5:22-33
Wives,
be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the
church, He Himself being the Savior
of the body. 24 But as the church is
subject to Christ, so also the wives ought
to be to their husbands in everything. 25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by
the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the
church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that
she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own
wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no
one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ
also does the church, 30 because we
are members of His body. 31 For
this reason
a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; but I am
speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each
individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife
must see to it that she respects her
husband.
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you
wives, be submissive to your own husbands so
that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a
word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as
they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. NASB
1 Peter 3:7
7 Likewise,
ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife,
as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace
of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved
the church and gave Himself up for her.
ÿ
A
husband is to obey the command to love even if his wife does not obey the
command to respect, and a wife is to obey the command to respect even if the
husband does not obey the command to love.
ÿ
A
husband is called to love a disrespectful wife, and a wife is called to respect
an unloving husband.
ÿ
We
cannot say “I will love my wife when she respects me” – or “I will respect my
husband after he loves me.”
ÿ
Men
must show agape love - Women are to show unconditional respect.
ÿ
You
cannot motivate your spouse to give you what you need by withholding what they
really need.
ÿ
Who
should go first? – The one who sees themselves as the most mature.
TOGETHERNESS (Wife) – She
wants face-to-face involvement.
Suggestions:
·
Come in the kitchen and help her
with dinner
·
Spend time __________________to
her about her day
·
Not
to become like one of her girlfriends and become feminine
·
Hold her hand
·
Hug her
·
_______________________
without sex
·
Get alone so you can focus and
laugh
·
Go for a walk
·
Date night by candlelight
·
Go out of your way to do
something for her (errand etc.)
·
Pay ____________________to
her mind and opinions – let her know you appreciate
·
Pillow talk after making love
ACCOMPLISH (Husband) - Appreciate his
desire to work and achieve
Suggestions:
·
Tell him verbally or in writing
that you value his desire to work and achieve
· Express
your faith in him related to his chosen field
· Listen
to his work stories as closely as you expect him to listen to what happens in
the family
· See
yourself as his helpmate and counterpart and talk with him about this whenever
possible
· Allow
him to dream as you did when you were courting
·
Don’t dishonor or criticize his
work to get him to show more love at home
___________________________
Suggestions:
·
Communicate to her about your ____________________
· Let
her in
· When
you talk ask her, what she thinks and what she is feeling
· Pray
with her
·
Share your day with her or
“something happened at work today – “I would like to talk to you about it later
– I am not mad at you, etc.”
PROTECTOR –
Appreciate His Desire to Protect and Provide
Suggestions:
·
Verbalize your admiration for him
for being willing to protect you and die for you
· Praise
him for his __________________ to provide and protect so he knows you
don’t take him for granted
· Never
mock the idea of “looking up to him” as your protector, preventing him from
looking down on you
· Never
in word or body language ________
___________ his job or how much he makes
·
Quietly and respectfully voice
concerns about finances and try to offer solutions where you are able to cut
spending
UNDERSTOOD – 1Peter 3:7 – Don’t Try To Fix
Just Listen
Suggestions:
·
When she wants to talk ask her –
do you want me to listen or need a solution?
· Listen
and repeat back what she has said
· Don’t
try to fix her problems unless she specifically asks for a solution
· Never
dismiss her feelings no matter how illogical they seem
· Say,
“I appreciate you sharing that with me.”
· Don’t
interrupt her when she is trying to tell you how she feels
· Apologize
and admit you were wrong
· Express
appreciation for all that she does
·
Pray with her and for her
Beware of becoming embittered Col.
3:19
_______________________ – Appreciate
his desire to serve and lead
Suggestions:
·
Tell him you are thankful for his
strength and enjoy being able to lean on him at all times
· Support
his self-image as a leader
· Never
say – “We are equal so don’t make any decision I don’t agree with.”
· Praise
him for His good decisions
· Be
graceful if he makes a bad decision
· Disagree
with him only in private and honor his authority in front of the kids
· Give
your reasons for disagreeing with him quietly and respectfully and reasonably,
but never attack his right to lead
·
Don’t play head games with him to
make him back down and be a loving peacemaker
PEACE - She wants you to say “I’m sorry.”
Suggestions:
·
Use loving Demeanor (Prov. 15:1)
· ________________
your part of the blame instead of blaming her.
(James 5:16)
· Let
her vent her frustrations and hurts – don’ get angry or close her off
· When
wrong say “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”
· Resolve
the unresolved – never say “Forget it.”
· Forgive
her for any wrong she confesses
·
Don’t nurse _____________________
and always reassure her of your love
INSIGHT -
Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
Suggestions:
·
Tell him up front you need his
ear – Don’t complain to him later that he always tries to fix you
· Thank
him for His advice without acting insulted or like he doesn’t care about your
feelings
· Recognize
his problem solving approach and his male brand of empathy
· Realize
your vulnerabilities especially among males, and value his protection
· Counsel
him respectfully when you differ with his ideas (you can be right, but wrong at
the top of your voice)
· Sometimes
let him fix things and applaud him for his solutions
·
Admit that you need him because
you can make mistakes and thank him for his godly protection
___________________________
– She
needs to know you’re committed.
Suggestions:
·
__________ ______________ of her in front of others
· Be
involved in things important to her
· Help
her make decisions (such as regarding children, etc)
· Don’t
correct her in front of the children
· Don’t
look lustfully at other women
· Make
her and your marriage a priority
· Don’t
criticize her in front of others
· Include
her in social gatherings when others may leave their wife at home
· Don’t
allow the kids to speak to her any kind of way
· Call
and let her know your plans
· Keep
your commitments
·
Speak positively to her at all
times
SEX –
Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
Suggestions:
·
Respond to him sexually more
often and initiate sex periodically
· Understand
he needs sex just as you need emotional release
· Let
him acknowledge his sexual temptations without shaming him or feeling he will
be unfaithful to you
·
Don’t deprive him of sex to try
to make him open up to you verbally
ESTEEM – She needs you to honor and
cherish her.
Suggestions:
·
How to answer when you don’t
agree with her and keep her esteem intact:
-
“Honey, thanks for sharing your
opinion.”
-
“Let’s think about that.” (she knows you are processing)
-
“Honey, even though I don’t feel
the same way about this as you do, I
value your opinion and I trust your heart.”
·
Thank her for all that she does
· Cherish
her for who she is
· Open
the door for her
· Try
something new with her
· Give
her encouragement and praise with kindness and enthusiasm
· Notice
something different about her hair and clothes
· Be
physically affectionate with her in public
· Choose
family outings over “guy things”
·
Be proud of her for all she does
____________________ – Appreciate his
desire for shoulder to shoulder friendship.
Suggestions:
·
Tell him you like him and show it
(He knows you love him but he often wonders if you like him)
·
Respond to his invitation to
engage in recreational activities together (Every now and then… not all of the
time)
